The following sermon was preached by The Bishop of Winchester, The Rt Revd Michael Scott-Joynt at Mattins in Winchester Cathedral on 10th February 2002, the first day of National Marriage Week

National MARRIAGE Week  (February 10th-17th)  

Today is the beginning of  “National Marriage Week”; and those responsible for arranging it are realistic,   precisely because it may shock us by seeming  to treat Marriage as some sort of endangered species or environment!  Dr Jonathan Sacks, the Chief Rabbi, has memorably spoken of Marriage as an ecosystem on which the security, the maturing, the well-being, the wholesomeness not only of countless individuals but of our society now and in the future depends. With him, because with all Jewish and Christian Faith, I believe Marriage to be uniquely important, and therefore deserving to be uniquely valued; and in these next few minutes I shall try to explain why I believe this to be the case – and why, to use the terms of contemporary debate, indeed of contemporary law, I believe that discrimination in favour of Marriage is justified.   

For Jews and for Christians the mutual, exclusive  commitment for the rest of their lives of a man and a woman to each other      is “a pattern that God has given in creation”.  In this relationship, reassuring because trustworthy,  a woman and a man mirror for each other God’s generous giving and forgiving which if we are Christian  we believe that God has acted out especially in Jesus. In learning to “cherish” - that marvellous word in the Marriage Service that means “care for someone as valuable, infinitely precious” – in learning to cherish one another through whatever comes, those who are married have this particular, tested opportunity to learn the craft of  treating everyone else with care and loyalty, persistence and reliability, delight and patience – arts on which all human society depends.    That’s why the Church of England described Marriage a few years ago as “fundamental to human flourishing” – to the flourishing of adults and of society more widely, and not just – crucially important though this is – of children who thrive best, as not only inherited wisdom but a great deal of contemporary research has shown,  within a family sustained by the assurance of their parents’ life-long commitment to each other as well as to them.

Today, though,  we have learned  to prize our independence;    we like to think that we stand on our own feet, that our options are infinitely open, that we can and should have our own way – even though, in so many respects, this independence is both an illusion   and a cause of damage to others. In such a climate Marriage, committing myself exclusively to someone else for ever, can  come to seem undesirably, even impossibly limiting.

And some people’s marriages tragically do not match up to their own ideals and visions of Marriage. We all have experience of the terrible hurt that the breakdown of a marriage causes to the couple themselves,   and to their children, to the children’s grandparents, to friends and colleagues; and it is understandable that there is hurt, too, to Marriage itself - because hurt to people’s confidence that it can ever be safe or healthy or wise for them to make such a  commitment.

It seems to me that the first of these realities of our time and our society - the illusion that we are and should be independent and having our own way - feeds off and magnifies the second – the damaging hurt to so many of marriages that break apart. The result is   that Marriage is regularly portrayed in drama and in a lot of public comment as unattractive, unexciting and old-fashioned, even as downright undesirable. So this  has become the contemporary “norm”, the benchmark to which politicians and policy-makers feel that they must be “responsive” – even when many of them, like many of the rest of us and like me, are fortunate to live in circles where the norm is in fact not marriage breakdown, but on the contrary marriages that are long-lasting, and fruitful,  and a blessing and encouragement to all who are touched by them – as most marriages still are. But if you are persuaded that the norm is marriage breakdown, and even that Marriage itself is now barely defensible, then justice and  non-discrimination appear to require that other partner-relationships should be treated in law just as Marriage is treated  -  even though most of these other relationships are not permanent either in intention or in reality.

I am in no doubt that this political position has to be seen to be just that, and ultimately as a value-judgement or a statement of belief, rather than as a matter of justice. I believe that it is as reasonable, and as justifiable in law, to favour Marriage and married people, for instance in some matters of taxes and benefits and rights, as it is, for instance, to favour non-smokers. Marriage is very much  more clearly a contributor to the Public Health than is refraining from smoking, or regular exercise; and while of course there can be no pressing of people into the uniquely far-reaching commitment of Marriage, it should be an important element of public policy to encourage people to marry rather than to discourage them, and to support Marriage rather than to undermine it.

In all this, there is a great deal that the  Churches and every church member can be doing to support and to advocate Marriage, and to encourage those who are married. In the Church of England, responsible for 25% of all marriages in England and 66% of all marriages made in the context of a religious ceremony, our opportunities are especially great. It matters that every local church helps people prepare well for their Marriage, and puts itself out to welcome them; it matters that there is some longer-term preparation for Marriage in every school, every College, ideally within the syllabus, and then  through the behaviour of everyone in the school  who is married. There are few churches that have too many people willing and trained to help with the marriage preparation programme; Students Exploring Marriage needs more volunteers to help young people find out from married people what Marriage is about; for some, working with Relate will be their Christian vocation.

And I believe that God calls all of us who are married, and  those too who are not, to speak up for Marriage, to talk it up not to join in stories or looks or jokes that fashionably denigrate it; and those of us who are married will advocate marriage most effectively of all, and encourage others to see it as possible and desirable for them too, if we look and feel like people for whom our marriage is the greatest wonder and blessing of our lives.